Breaking Barriers
by gemmapelle
Summary: This story is from both Logan and Rogues POV as they recall events of X1X2 and what follows. WIP. Please R&R!
1. Chapter One

Title: Breaking Barriers - Part 1 Author: gemmapelle Email: sugarglitterbabe@yahoo.com Rating: R Series: Breaking Barriers Summary: Logan/Maries POV on events during X1/X2 and events after the mission as the gradually realize how they feel about each other  
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with  
Marvel or Fox in any way, I do now own any of these  
characters or events and never will Spoilers/Continuity: Major X2 Spoilers, follows X1/X2 storyline Author's Notes: Reviews and comments very welcome  
  
It had been two weeks since the "event" at Alkali Lake as the kids had come to call it in hushed tones around the mansion and Logan still hadn't allowed himself to think about what had happened. Everything was just too raw and painful for him to deal with at the moment but it lingered, hovering at the edge of his thoughts trying to find a way through. The past two weeks had been a blur. The mansion had been anything but normal. For a school it had been awfully quiet, he thought wryly to himself. Hardly surprising though, considering the face that the kids whole sense of safety had gone out the window - government attack, Chuck and kids being kidnapped and finally Jeans' death.. "Don't go there, bub!", he muttered to himself and noticed that kid Jones giving him a strange look as he sat there flicking through the TV channels. Figuring that he should give the kid a break from his mutterings, Logan wandered out into the garden to think, grabbing a Molson from the secret stash in the fridge on the way. He was feeling confused, sad and very pissed. Chewing furiously on a cigar Logan raged another silent battle with himself. This was getting emotional and the Wolverine didn't do sensitivity. He was supposed to be on One-Eyes supersonic bike by now, tearing through the Canadian wilderness without a care in the world, leaving all his troubles behind him but he couldn't go.  
  
A strange sense of loyalty had seemed to take hold of him since the attack. He had vowed to protect those kids from the government bastards who had ruthlessly attacked the mansion, the same bastards who were responsible for his fucked up sense of reality and he's be damned if he let that happen to some innocents. Christ, he was starting to sound like Cyke - he had to do something about that but at the moment he didn't care. The injustice of everything threatened to overwhelm him and he wanted to just throw back his head and howl, howl for how fucked up everything was, for what Jeannie had sacrificed for them, how people could be so cruel and for what he had found out about himself. Christ, they hadn't even been able to say goodbye to Jeannie properly, they had to hold a small private ceremony to say goodbye, and there wasn't even a grave to visit or anything. The ceremony itself had been pretty bad. Cyke had almost collapsed, it was only Chuck's presence of mind that had got him through it and it meant that Logan couldn't hurt, wasn't allowed to mourn Jean as a man because it wasn't his place. She hadn't chosen him; he had been sincere when he had told Cyke that, he thought. She had wanted the good guy not the bad one. He had realized that when he had found her leaning on One-Eye just before they ran out of the tunnels - the look she had given him said it all. He wouldn't have been able to give her what she had wanted though he would have liked to try. He knew that what he felt for her had run deeper than anything he had felt romantically before - he had felt a connection the moment he had met her and it ran both ways. Logan had experienced death before, "Christ - its not like I've never killed anyone" he thought to himself, but never on a level so personal.  
  
Jean was one of two women who he cared deeply about and he had lost her and it hurt, not like the physical pain he relished and was accustomed to but deep down inside, something he had always avoided by avoiding people and relationships but Marie had changed all that. He hadn't talked to Marie since Alkali Lake - it was just too hard. He knew he was hurting her, anytime he saw her she looked at him with this questioning hurt in her eyes and he knew he was just adding to her pain over Jean. It was the last thing he wanted to do but he had fallen back to his usual form of alienation from others, building up barriers. He didn't want to let the barriers down again soon - it hurt too much. He had stuff to work out first. The past few weeks had made him afraid, afraid about how deeply he cared about a certain kid who wasn't a kid anymore and how it would affect his relationship with her and his lifestyle. Yet, here he was in Chuck's mansion when he should be on Cykes bike - he had changed already but he knew he was doing the right thing - he knew he had to do that - for once. He owed her that much. Logan finally allowed himself to think about how things had changed since he met Marie.... 


	2. Chapter Two

The moment she had walked into the bar in Laughlin City he had sensed her. She smelt achingly familiar - as if he had known her all his life and yet so innocent and pure. She smelt clean, like vanilla and underneath just that unique scent he'd be able to distinguish amongst millions - just Marie. He had wondered what someone so innocent was doing in a place like this. Leaning against the cage, smoking his cigar he saw her approach - a hooded figure that approached the crowd cautiously. He watched her - her body language indicated a severe sense of caution. She carried herself as if she was afraid of touching anybody and she was covered from head to toe with clothing, which meant he still couldn't see her face. His enhanced sight had meant he could see her eyes though, they were huge bottomless pools of sadness and he felt drawn to them. She hadn't known that he was aware of her every reaction during the fight - he could smell her horror with the cage and her fascination with him. His immense power, he could tell she could sense the animal in him and he smelt a sense of elation when she realized what he was. He couldn't understand that then, he had known she was a mutant, mutants smelt different to the others but the overwhelming relief that radiated from her when she realized what he was staggered him.  
  
Afterwards, he had approached the bar where she was sitting. Maybe he'd get lucky tonight, though he sensed she'd be different to what he was used to. He spent his lift eating, screwing and fighting - it was all he was good for, all he knew and he was satisfied with his lot. It meant no hard questions and no interaction with people who could hurt him. The moment he had seen her face though he knew this was different. She was pretty on the way to beautiful but she was young, younger than he had thought at first. He figured she was around sixteen or seventeen. Logan was many things but he wasn't a pervert. She still fascinated him though; she kept darting glances at him as he did her. He realized she was a runaway; there was an air of caution and a weary resignation about her but when that TV report had mentioned mutants and they had made eye contact the sadness he had previously sensed staggered him. He had never seen anything like it in someone so young. "Young", her eyes belied her youth though, hers were the eyes of someone who had seen too much and was tired of life and yet curiosity and youth was still there somewhere. She was an enigma, and he realized he wanted to know more about her. She wanted to protect him too, she had sounded a warning when that redneck had threatened him with the puny knife and she hadn't been horrified when she saw the claws, just fascinated. That had really thrown him off balance. He had never encountered a reaction like interest and fascination in relation to him and his claws before, it disturbed him, as did his fascination with this kid. He never felt like this, he couldn't allow himself to either. Feeling like this would knock down all the barriers he had so carefully erected. That couldn't happen, he couldn't risk letting his interest go any further so he ran out of the bar and hit the road.  
  
He didn't know how he sensed her in the back of the trailer. All he knew was that he couldn't get her scent out of his head, the sadness of her eyes. It was driving him crazy - sweet, innocent, pure - like nothing he had sensed before, everything he was not. A muffled "ow!" when he drove over a pothole alerted him to her presence though. The kid had spunk; he had to give her that. No one ever stood up to the Wolverine. She thought she had saved his life, she had shouted that at him as he walked away. It was only now, sitting here and thinking about that particular moment that he realized how right she was. Meeting her had saved him, saved the man in him that was increasingly being shut out by the animal that raged inside, so difficult to keep in check. Stopping the truck, - he still didn't know what had prompted him to do it - had been a turning point in his life. He remembered when she told him his name, "What kind of name is Wolverine?", he smiled at the memory of that. Her fascination with his dog tags, with him. The roll of his name on her tongue pleased him as did the way she uttered her name in her sweet southern drawl, "Marie", much more appropriate that Rogue though her code name was just right for when she was with the geeks. It pleased him that he was the only one who knew her real name; it was like a secret bond between them. Hell, even that Bobby kid didn't know her name and he didn't realize why but that gave him a deep sense of satisfaction.  
  
Lecturing him about his seatbelt and that was when his world was just turned upside down - literally. The crash, the darkness and then the dull ache that he knew would later become a relentless pounding as his healing factor kicked in. He could see the shock on her face and knew that she probably was seeing his healing powers establish their presence. Remembered shouting if she was ok, if the kid was ok. He wasn't sure when or why he started addressing her as "kid", he hadn't wanted to call her Marie, he knew she liked to keep her name a secret that was shared between them, and Rogue just didn't feel right to him so he supposed he settled on kid. It was a brotherly endearment and it served to remind him how young she was, how innocent. Remembered the pure feral smell that signaled danger and the raw power and pain that followed, more severe than anything he had ever encountered in the cage. He remembered the smell of gasoline, the roar of the flames, Marie screaming for help and then blackness. Logan was thankful that the geeks had saved his skin and more importantly Maries. He would always owe them that but the fact that it was Cyke was a kick in the teeth. "Hell, the guy already had a poker up his ass and now was one up on Logan and then there was Jeannie" Jean. Logan remembered Jean 


	3. Chapter Three

He recalled the ticklish feeling as a soft hand roamed over his body - almost a caress but not quite. He had realized it was very methodical in its purpose and then he had realized that all of this felt sickingly familiar- the clinical smell, the gurney table he was lying on and the medical hum of machines in the background. Panicked, he jumped up and grabbed his examiner by the neck. He was too panicked to get on a personal level but even in his heightened state he realized how beautiful she was and he could sense she did not want to hurt him. Remembering the kid, he had run through the maze of corridors, desperately trying to pick up her scent, anything that could signify that she might be here, wherever the hell here was. Logan remembered his confusion in the corridors, remembered thinking just what the hell this place was and what he was doing here, remembered the voices in his head, voices that were subconsciously drawing him to their source. Recalled the moment he realized that he was in a school which seemed to be full of mutants, the shock when that girl had run through that door, when he had met Chuck, Storm, One-Eye and finally Jean. Remembered how his heart had leapt to his mouth when she walked into the room - all serenity and grace. How he had realized that she was somehow involved with this asshole Cyke - he could smell him all over her and it made him resent the man - who was almost a kid, who had this smug expression on his face and who he was indebted to - even more. He remembered the confrontation with One-Eye and then the realization that it was Chuck who had been in his head all along and who might actually be able to help him with what he was looking for.  
  
Remembered seeing the kid, watching her with affection in the classroom surrounded by people just like her and realized that she might be ok. He could smell her again and now she had a new air about her - he knew it was hope. He watched that Ice-Cube boy and that Flame kid try to impress her and he knew she'd be all right, that he'd never destroy her innocence like he could have if she had stayed on the road with him in Canada, subjecting her to a lifestyle that she didn't deserve. Here, she would have a chance to lead a normal life, go to school, be a teenager. They'd always share a bond over Laughlin City but that would be it - he didn't realize how wrong he was.  
  
He talked to Jean that night, she had shown him to his room and they had flirted. He could always sense her hesitation though. One-Eye was always at the back of her mind. His admiration for her had turned to a deep respect when she had demonstrated her powers, he could feel a depth of power within her that she had not unleashed, hovering beneath the surface - it added to her attraction. She was dangerous just like him. Logan would always remember the shock on her face when she had read his mind - had seen things that he couldn't remember. He could see that she was afraid to tell him what she had seen, he had taken her hand, tried to reassure her that it would be ok and then Cyke with his usual sense of timing had arrived, had seen him holding her wrists and drawn his own conclusions - not that Logan minded, pissing off One-Eye was an additional bonus. They had exchanged the usual crap and Cyke had got the last parting shot - Logan usually would have a comeback but this time he was left without anything to say - "the first and last time that's gonna happen" he'd promised.  
  
Remembering that night, Logan shuddered - he had almost killed Marie. Jeans probe of his mind had brought all the repressed memories to the surface. He had dreamed that night, nightmares really, full of anonymous masked faces, soft laughter, champagne, water - so much water, screaming, lines marked on his body. The lines where the boiling adamantium was going to be inserted into his body - and finally those instruments. He had seen the needle coming down, felt it plunge into his body, felt the pain, felt the rage and instinctively unleashed his claws to deal with the bastards the way he wanted to. He recalled feeling his claws sink into flesh, the smell of blood and Marie. MARIE! That's when he had woken up to find her impaled on his claws - choking and spluttering as her blood filled her lungs. He sheathed his claws, withdrawing them from her body with a sickening wet SNIKT and realized that she was going to die and he could do nothing to help. He could only stare at her, eyes locked, desperately trying to convey how sorry he was, how he felt about her. He vaguely recalled screaming for someone to help him even though he knew it was already too late, Logan knew what death smelt like. He remembered the compassion in her eyes, knew that she didn't blame him, remembered the plea in her eyes as she reached out to touch him one last time, just skin to skin, no barriers. He felt he fingers brush his cheek very softly and then he felt it, a pain like he had never felt before, deep in the marrow of his bones, drawing his very essence out of him. He didn't care though; his eyes were still locked with hers. She was almost sobbing and he saw the apology in her eyes and her pain as she absorbed him, was imprinted with his memories, abilities and "gift", even though he didn't realize exactly that this was what was happening in those last seconds he realized she was using her mutation, he could sense her healing and he was glad, even if it meant he died he was glad, Marie would live and then all he knew was blackness. 


	4. Chapter Four

Waking up he had asked if she was ok even though he already knew she was. He had a bitch of a headache, worse that anything he could remember but he didn't care. It was then Chuck had told him that Rogue absorbed mutant's gifts, skills and memories. He then remembered that Chuck had already told him this while he had watched her in the classroom. That she would probably go without physical touch for the rest of her life. It struck him then, as he lay on the table how severe her mutation was, he thought of all the things Marie would never experience and it made him desperately sad for her. He had resolved then that he would never be afraid to touch her. He understood now why she had looked so haunted in Laughlin City. He had never been afraid of touching her anyway, nothing hurt him, his healing abilities took care of that but now that he had experienced what her touch was capable of he wasn't going to shy away from her because he realized it would kill her. He had sensed the fear in the school, the children were afraid of the Rogue touching them, look what she had done to the Wolverine! He knew she needed to feel somehow normal and that she needed someone who wasn't afraid of touching her, she needed touch. She needed help as much as he did and he realized how alike they were and that he needed her as much as she needed him. They had connected that day in Laughlin City, he felt safe around her like she did around him. So when they told him she had run away he was pissed.  
  
They didn't realize she needed help, to feel normal like everyone else. He could sense that they knew they had neglected her and looked after Logan after what had happened and he was royally pissed. Christ, he thought it would be good for her here and they had neglected her on their first test. He kept his temper in check though - they needed to find her. Chuck had shown him Cerebro and he had made hell for leather for the train station on Cykes Bike. He didn't give a crap if that dude Magneto was after him, he had to find Marie. He had picked up her scent the minute he entered the station and tracked her to a train departing for the north. She was staring at some kid and his mother with a look of longing. He didn't know why until he realized the mother was stroking her sons face. He had sat down beside her and talked to her, it was easy to talk to Marie, and she was just like him, lost and alone. She told him about the first guy she kissed, how she'd put him in a coma and she could still feel him in her head just like she could feel Logan. He felt sick then, he hadn't realized how much he'd violated her when she touched him. His memories had no place in a kids mind! So he'd promised her he'd take care of her and he'd meant it and then that bastard had come and all hell had broken lose.  
  
Logan had never really felt helpless in his life since the moment he had been submerged in the tanks and yet since Marie had come he had felt helpless twice. Last night when he had stabbed her and now again while his whole body was being manipulated by the asshole in front of him. Logan balled his fists in rage just thinking about it, he could feel the itch underneath his skin, the itch of adamantium begging for release but he took deep breaths to calm down. Remembering the horror her felt when he realized who Magneto was after, the terror on Maries face and the pain as he was smashed into the corridor between the carriages. He remembered the sound of Marie running to him and then a dull thud as she crashed to the floor, his rage that he couldn't get to her, as Magneto pinned him down using the metal in the carriage and carried Marie away. It was half an hour before Jean came and released him. He had gone mental then, raving at Chuck's ideals, how maybe he was on the wrong side and then Senator Kelly had gone and fallen into his arms unveiled the scale of what Magneto planned to do. He realized then that he had to stay and help, he couldn't get Marie by himself, he needed their help. Jeannie had been stupid and gone and used Cerebro and he had kitted himself up in the goddamn suit and gone to Liberty Island 


	5. Chapter Five

Liberty Island had been a hell of a ride, he conceded to himself. That bitch Mystique was a total revelation. She was sinewy and graceful but incredibly strong, giving as good as she got. He could sense her arousal as she fought him licking her lips thinking she was tempting him, it only made him more furious and when she had kicked him in the balls it had been the last straw. She hadn't counted on his sense of smell and he had sliced and diced her to leave her to die on the floor. He hadn't been able to believe his eyes when he had seen her near Alkali Lake. She was a sneaky bitch, without question. He really detested her. Logan wanted to roar as he felt his body stiffen for the second time in 24 hours, he recalled listening to Magnetos pontificating while Marie screamed in the torch and finally impaling himself in order to save her. He could still feel the pain, hear Jeannie screaming his name and still hear Marie screaming in the torch. Remembered chanting in his head, "I promised her, I promised her" as he fought Creed on top of the statue, Marie's desperate screams filling his head. Could still picture the utter trust between Jeannie and Cyke when she asked him to open his eyes, remembered the look of compassion Jeannie and he had exchanged as she directed him up to Magnetos machine. The total pain and desperation as Marie screamed beside him, as he tried to stop the machine while Magneto twisted his claws, and finally the dreadful silence. He had known they had succeeded in stopping Magnetos plan but frankly he hadn't given a damn. Marie had lain slumped unconscious, her hands still handcuffed to the goddamn thing. Logan had picked her up, had clutched her face with his gloved hand. He couldn't hear a heartbeat. He remembered the desperation he felt as he urged her to wake up and finally he had pressed his lips to her forehead to kiss her, willing the pull to begin, for the pain to hit him and then; nothing. Logan could recall the utter emptiness of the moment, the pain and anguish as he realized he could do nothing, he had been too late; he had failed her in his promise. She was lost to him and he had clutched her to him in grief and miraculously he had felt it again, deeper than before if possible, and then he heard Marie gasp and felt her pull away with realization as he succumbed to the darkness.  
  
He had awoken to a familiar hand roaming over his body only this time the touch was more personal, far less medical than when he had last encountered it. Remembered clutching that hand and telling Jean she was ticking him. The relief knowing that Rogue was ok, despite the fact that she had apparently picked up some of his appealing personality traits. The embarrassment that she had a crush on him, he hadn't wanted Jeannie of all people to tell him that, he didn't want a crush to complicate the best relationship he ever had, it reminded him too clearly of his initial intentions in the dive in Laughlin City, something he didn't want to think about. He had told Jeannie his heart belonged to someone else but has stopped her when she wanted to talk about herself and Logan, he wasn't ready to talk to her about that, to hear what she was going to say.  
  
Chuck had given him the information he had promised and he was leaving, he needed to give the kid some space anyway. He didn't want her to develop her crush into something more substantial and that would only happen if he hung around. He wasn't going to say goodbye either - that would be awkward and embarrassing. He had watched her at playing with the Ice Cube kid and noticed that there was something different about her. It wasn't the streaks that had appeared in her hair, the streaks that he had clutched when he had cut her loose from the machine. She had grown up, he realized, she wasn't a kid anymore, she was taking her first steps to becoming a woman. She was carrying herself gracefully and was dressed elegantly. With a shock he realized she looked sexy despite her gloves and the fact that she was more covered up than most teenage girls her age. She had a knowing air about her. He wondered how much she knew about him, what exactly she had absorbed. He didn't want to think about it and if he stared too long he'd be caught so he turned to go but she caught him anyway. He turned as she called his name, she was running towards him and like he had been when he first saw her he was drawn to her eyes. He realized they didn't look as sad or as old as before, just wise and knowing. She was looking at him with compassion and understanding and he couldn't understand how she could feel that when he was leaving. "You runnin again?" echoing his question on the train and he found he didn't know what to say and she was still looking at him as if she understood and now he was very worried about what she had imprinted from him. He recalled how he had felt when she told him she didn't want him to go - he had felt happy that someone would miss him and he realized he still had a promise to keep, he needed to reassure her. He had given her the one thing that had meant the most to him for the past 15 years, the only clue to his identity, his past, his dog tags. Recalled how shocked and grateful she was as he placed them in her palm and folded her fingers around them, he realized she knew what they meant to him. Telling her he would be back for them he turned around and was gone - taking Cyke's bike to sweeten the deal. 


	6. Chapter Six

He had arrived back four months later, having found nothing at Alkali Lake he had roamed around Canada for a while before realizing he wanted to go back, to see Jeannie and to see how the kid was doing. He had roared up the driveway and she had come running to meet him, squealing his name and thrown herself into his arms and he had grinned and felt ridiculously happy for a moment. He had breathed her in deeply while she was in his arms, he had missed her unique scent, and she smelt just like Marie except now there was another smell mingling with her unique scent - a male scent. She had regained her composure, he felt her stiffen and draw back as if she was trying to become more detached. He looked down at her, Good Jesus but was she all grown up and looking beautiful! "Miss me", he had teased and she had smiled and teased back "not really!" and then someone had cleared his or her throat and he had found a hand thrust into his and Marie had introduced Bobby. Bobby had introduced himself though as "her boyfriend" and to Logan's amusement had iced his hand - the kid had some nerve! Marie had rolled her eyes but he could sense that she was amused and a bit pleased at the show of male rivalry. She seemed happy, he could sense it around her and Logan now realized who this new scent belonged to, the kid was trying to wind him up but he was barking up the wrong tree. He had decided to give the kid a taste of his own medicine: "Boyfriend; so how do you two." he laughed recalling how he had raised his eyebrow suggestively in a look he had mastered through practice as Bobby flushed and muttered "We're working on it". Marie on the other hand, Marie had flushed but he could sense her sadness and something else he couldn't quite define and then Storm had arrived, hugged him properly and pecked him on the cheek and beckoned to the kids to follow her as someone else entered the room. Marie had said bye in a singsong voice but he wasn't sure if he had answered because he was too busy looking at the apparition that was floating down the stairs towards him, someone with the face of an angel, a face he'd never forget.  
  
Logan smiled, remembering how he and Jean had shared a secret smile and exchanged pleasantries. He had felt the electricity in the air as they talked and all he had wanted was to take her in his arms. Then Cyke had, with his usual sense of timing, arrived an d Logan could tell he was pissed, that he could feel the tension between his fiancée and Logan as well as Logan could, super senses or not. That had only made Logan smirk more. Pissing One-Eye off had always been a bonus. Jean had said something about going to Boston with Ororo on the Blackbird to find some mutant. Logan had a sense of foreboding then, he knew they were looking for the would be assassin and he was worried about what this could mean. The last thing something this big had gone down people he cared about could have died and he didn't want that to happen again. He had brushed it off though, told himself that his days of severe paranoia were over and it was time to relax. Cyke had once again, got the last word and Logan had been furious. Chuck had calmed him down though, showing him the capabilities of Cerebro properly this time. Logan had been awed, fully appreciating at that moment how powerful Chuck was and the capabilities of this machine. He hadn't minded agreeing to help Chuck with minding the kids while he went and visited Magneto, after all Chuck had helped help a lot over the past few weeks. He knew he owed him that, after all what could go wrong. 


	7. Chapter Seven

He hadn't been able to sleep that night. The nightmares were more vivid this time; he had dreamt things he hadn't seen before. His hand clenched recalling the horror of the dreams, the terror he recalled while dreaming them, the panic and disorientation. He had gone to the common room and found Jones doing his TV thing and then he had found Bobby in the kitchen. He hadn't really talked to the kid yet and he wanted to find out more about what the guy was like, especially since Marie was dating him. The kid was ok; Logan could concede that, he had iced his soda and then they had got talking, talking about Marie. He could still picture the expression in the kids eyes, slightly pissed and accusatory as he had told Logan about how it was difficult when you couldn't get close to someone even though you wanted to. Logan had sensed that Ice-Cube had been talking about something else besides Maries skin, he didn't want to think about the implications though, to think that Bobby wanted to do those kind of things to Marie, so he had silenced him with a look but the kids still had the nerve to mention Jeannie and the way he looked at her. The kid wouldn't be talking to him like that again soon, Logan thought grimly, not after he witnessed the Wolverine in all his fury.  
  
Logan couldn't remember parts of the attack. He had heard the muffled noises, and his senses, which had been dulled due to lack of sleep in the past few weeks had instantly sharpened as he had sensed the silent whirring of the helicopter blades, the soft swish of feet padding along the floor and he had gone to full predatory mode. He couldn't believe he had let his guard down so much but he had protected the kid in time and when the first guy had attacked the Wolverine was still in check, Logan hadn't wanted to kill him: until the man had removed a knife and cut him and then Logan had lost control, the Wolverine had taken over. Logan could recall the horror in Bobby's eyes as he had peered at him over the counter when it was over, the man slumped dead on the floor but he didn't care. He was furious with these bastards, attacking kids in their sleep. He knew he had taken a few out when he got to Jones, unconscious on the floor with a dart in his neck, his eyes still flickering and his rage had increased. He must have gone wild then, he couldn't remember anything for a while. Logan knew he must have gone berserk; the bodies in the mansions lobby in the aftermath were testimony to that. He vaguely remembered giving Jones to a huge Russian kid and telling him to take care of the kids. His next memory had been of Marie. It had been her scent that had bought him back, he could sense her fear and something that smelt like excitement in the lobby but he had dismissed that. He had realized that she was with Pyro and Bobby and that they were in trouble, that the men who were going to surround them were no longer holding stun guns; they were real guns with real bullets. When he had seen all the green lasers points aimed at Marie's chest he had gone berserker again but he hadn't let the Wolverine take over. He was determined to be ruthless and efficient this time, he couldn't let anything happen to her.  
  
Like the time in Laughlin City in the cage, he had been aware of her the whole time. As he had dispatched with the bastards he had sensed her fascination - and her excitement. He had wondered at that and then he had realized that he could not sense fear anymore. With shock, he realized her hands were jerking at her side, mirroring the movements of his claws as he killed the men. The excitement he sensed was the excitement of the hunt that he experienced when the Wolverine took over. That realization had bought him crashing back to reality. He hadn't protected her like he had promised her; he had destroyed her innocence when she had imprinted him, absorbing the animal inside. He was disgusted with himself and yet she was not disgusted. She was fascinated and unlike the two boys beside her, unafraid and brave, he realized she understood him and the animal inside and he had recalled the compassion and understanding he had glimpsed in her eyes when he had last left.  
  
Logan stiffened as he remembered his reaction when he had calmed down enough to see her, see her properly. The Wolverine in him had howled out as it saw her dressed in that scrap of material she considered a nightgown, a nightgown which meant he had seen Marie like he had never seen her before, all that creamy untouchable skin exposed to the world, the material skimming over her beautiful body, clinging to all her curves. The Wolverine had struggled, wanting to take over and claim his mate but Logan had suppressed him, crushed the feelings he was experiencing. This was Marie, for Christ sake, she was just a kid, a kid he had told himself repeatedly as she ran by his side down the halls of the mansion towards the secret passageway she was leading him towards. He was not going to allow himself to damage her even more than he had. When they had reached the passage door, he had told her to go and she had protested - he had loved her for that, for her bravery - but he had shut the door in her face and the shit had really hit the fan then. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Logan still couldn't remember the Stryker from his forgotten past. Sometimes, he could feel something pushing at the edges of his consciousness but if he tried to grasp it, it would disappear into nothingness. It was so frustrating. He still hadn't recovered from what Stryker had told him about his past. He couldn't believe that he had actually volunteered for the Weapon X project, that he and Stryker might have once been friends, that he had once been an animal, that Stryker had just given him the claws.. It was too difficult to comprehend. Logan had always known he was an animal - the Wolverine that raged within was a constant reminder of that but he had always assumed that the animal had established itself to protect the man from danger when they woke up in the Canadian wilderness 15 years ago. The animal had taken control. Logan would surface rarely. Marie had changed that, had changed him, as had the X-Men. Logan had realized that when Stryker had given him a choice. He had realized that he needed the X-Men, his friends in order to be the man he wanted to be but he still felt corrupt. He still felt dirty and unworthy, he was still afraid that they would reject him when they saw what he was.  
  
All those feelings had surfaced when Logan had heard Stryker's voice, heard his taunts. His primal reaction was screaming at him to kill this man but something had stopped him, forced him to sheath his claws. Maybe some subconscious programming he endured, he thought in hindsight. All Logan could remember was a deep fear that took hold of him as the man had walked towards him, as Logan finally saw his face, realized that this man was the key to his past, his identity, that this man knew his past self better than anybody else. The face was the trigger, it was the face that had haunted his dreams that night, the only unmasked face of all the anonymous doctors, the man had wanted Logan to see his face and it all came rushing back to Logan as he stood there staring, took a step closer only to find some sort of haze floating and expanding in his vision, separating him from Stryker. He had felt desperate then, reaching up a hand to touch it he had realized it was ice, had prepared to shred it to pieces, this obstacle to his past, only to hear Maries voice. He had focused then, had sensed her absolute terror and fear. He had told her to go, that he would be all right but he remembered his promise to her as she yelled at him "but we won't!". Had realized that protecting her was more important than this, he owed her more than this man.  
  
They had gone to Boston. Logan knew the professor was in trouble if the house had been attacked and he recalled what Jean had told him about her mission with Ororo. Marie had rode shotgun and he had again been acutely aware of her presence beside him. Of what she was or to be more accurate was not wearing he thought with a grin. He had sensed her nervousness that so much skin was so exposed, noticed her fiddling with something on her wrist and with a shock realized they were his dog tags. He had enough time to register that she must never take them off before she noticed what he was staring at and had promptly given them back. He hadn't wanted her to give them back but he realized she understood the gravity of what had just happened to him and was looking for some gesture to show she understood. Pyro was right, there was an uncomfortable silence, and the tension between the two of them was unbelievable as was what was radiating from Bobby in the back seat.  
  
They had arrived in Bobby's house and the kid and Marie had gone to find her some clothes, much to Logan's relief. Bobby's parents had come home though and that had complicated things. That Pyro kid had had a major attitude. Logan had sensed his jealously towards Bobby, it might have been due to the evident closeness of Bobby to his family but Logan suspected hidden feelings for Marie might also have something to do with it. Bobby had to put up with the usual stupid questions from his parents; his brother had sulked in the corner and Logan had to fend off questions as to what his motives were. Marie had really impressed him though, the way she stood up for Bobby. That kid was like a miniature Cyclops - he had no goddamn balls. Logan knew he'd never do anything to hurt Marie so he didn't really mind. He had breathed a huge sigh of relief when Jeannie had called on Cykes gadget; it was a relief to know he wasn't alone in this anymore. When the cops had arrived, Logan didn't have a clue what he was going to do - he just hoped Jean would get there in time. The last thing he remembered before he blacked out was Marie screaming as the bullet hit his temple. She probably knew he was ok, was probably just trying to distract the cops as he healed but he didn't like her screaming - it reminded him of the time at the Statue of Liberty too much.  
  
He had woken up to the smell of burning and charred metal and flesh, he was aware that Marie was panting beside him and that Pyro was collapsed on the ground behind him. The goddamn fire kid had lost the plot and let loose, it looked like Marie had used her powers to stop him. Logan still couldn't understand why Bobby hadn't used his powers, it would have been the obvious thing to do but he reckoned the kid was traumatized by his brothers' betrayal to think straight. He'd never been so glad to see Jeannie in his life, things were bad but at least they'd be safe until they figured things out. 


	9. Chapter Nine

Logan didn't particularly like flying though he'd be damned if he told anybody about it. However, when Ororo told them to buckle up because they had company, he'd really wanted to kill that goddamn kid for letting hell loose and getting them into this. As the Blackbird went into a series of swerves and ducks, Logan swore to himself that he'd never fly again. Muttering a warning at Ororo and Jean, who was now flying, he had gritted his teeth as multiple tornados surrounded the jet, glancing suspiciously at the Blue Elf who was muttering prayers in German beside him. He was particularly aware of Jeannie though, she was acting differently, shooting him meaningful glances and suddenly he became aware that she was different, she had changed. She was stronger somehow. It seemed to Logan that all the power he had sensed deep within when he first met her was rising to the surface. The beeping that filled the cockpit as the heat-seeking missiles trailed in their jet stream bombarded Logan's senses. He had felt disorientated for moments until he regained control of his senses and pushed the noise into the background. The power radiating from Jeannie was immense now - she was positively glowing with it, surrounded by an aura of utter power. He knew she was trying to stop the missiles and the enormity of what she was doing was staggering. He had thought she was going to do it too, he had concentrated on her, willing her to succeed but something was bothering him. He didn't realize at first, he was aware of hitches in Marie's breath and little whimpers of panic but it wasn't until Jeannie's whispered "Oh God" did the gravity of the situation hit him.  
  
He had known then that something was seriously wrong with Marie and had whipped his head around to hear the massive explosion, to see the gaping hole in the back of the X-Jet, to feel the intense suction as the air inside the jet was sucked out and Marie, he realized Marie's seatbelt was not buckled. He watched helplessly as she was sucked out of her seat, feet flailing in the air, desperately screaming and grasping at her seat and then Bobby's hand. Bobby looked as desperate as Logan did, shouting as he felt Maries glove slip off her hand, leaving him to clutch it as she was sucked out the hole screaming in utter fear, her eyes boring desperately into Logan, full of pleading and love. And then she was gone and the desperation Logan felt was like nothing before, he threw back his head and howled, the Wolverine rising to the surface, he had failed her, he hadn't protected her, he couldn't even help her, he was trapped in here and she was out there and there was nothing he could do to reach her in time and save her.  
  
He didn't even realize that the Blue Elf had disappeared beside him, all he could feel was despair and loss and then he thought he could hear Maries sobbing, told himself he was dreaming but his senses told him he wasn't - it was her voice, her sweet smell and he had opened his eyes to find her in the arms of the blue elf as she was strapped into her chair and then the elf guy disappeared and reappeared in his own chair and Logan knew he'd never been more grateful to anyone in his life. Marie was alive and safe. But the jet was still falling; Logan knew they'd die. The air quality was improving but the crash would kill them. Logan promised he'd save her this time, get to her the moment they crashed; hold her until her power took affect and she absorbed his strength. He was distracted from his thoughts when Jeannie grabbed his hand in hers and her eyes locked with his. The depth of feeling in them, the fear in her eyes, the desperation for reassurance that was evident, surprised him and he stared back to reassure her he was with her on this. The connection between them had always been strong and Logan realized this moment was one he'd always remember, strengthening and deepening their bond beyond words.  
  
And then the Blackbird had shuddered, the hole seemingly fixing itself and began to descend normally and Logan had gaped in wonder at Jean, thinking it was her doing but she had shook her head and then they had peered out the cockpit window and encountered the last thing they ever expected - Magneto and the blue bitch saving their asses! Logan hadn't been able to comprehend it. He knew it meant serious trouble though. Their talk by the campfire worried him even further. He knew Cerebros capabilities due to Charles demonstrations and he shuddered to think what Stryker would do with the power he had. He watched the kids as they went all Boy Scout trying to light a fire - without Johns help of course - until he decided to torch Bobby in the process. Marie's foresight was the only thing that stopped him from accomplishing his goal though. Logan didn't want to hang around Magneto and the blue cow - he didn't trust them, too many bad memories. He was worried about Jean, she had demonstrated so much power and he didn't know how she was dealing with it. He had gone looking for her to find out if she was ok. He had talked to her, the sexual tension rising between them as he stepped closer, as their conversations subtext became clearer. With Jeannie's warning of choosing the good guy ringing in his ears Logan had kissed her and that moment was all there was. He was lost in her soft mouth, her silky hair, and the scent of her strawberry shampoo. It was the first time he had felt emotionally involved while he kissed someone and the feelings overwhelmed him but she had broken away, the connection broken. He hadn't followed, he knew she felt like she betrayed Scott and needed time to think so he had gone to his tent to get his first night sleep in a long time. 


	10. Chapter Ten

Things had gotten complicated then, Mystique had come to his tent in Jean's form and his hormones didn't even allow him to register that the scent wasn't Jeans, that it was her. He'd probably wanted to fool himself but when he had known, had felt the scars on her stomach she had shifted and that was when everything changed. He prayed she hadn't noticed, prayed that some sense of intuition hadn't prompted her to take Maries form. But it was when he had found Marie lying on top of him that it hit him. How much he wanted her, desired her, how he wanted to kiss her and hold her and never let her go. He wanted to take her there, claim her and mark her as his own and his pants had suddenly tightened and he had thrown Mystique off of him, he hadn't wanted her to know, hadn't wanted anyone to know. Logan still couldn't forgive himself for it. Marie was his best friend, his confidant, the best thing that ever had happened to him and he had to go and fuck it up by letting his animal instincts take over like they always did when a female was involved. He had to fuck up the best thing in his life. Marie was a child for Christ sake! He didn't know how old he was. She was pure and innocent and he was tainted and a mess. He didn't deserve someone like her and he didn't want to want her like he did. He loved her too much for that. He could and only would allow himself to be her friend. She needed to grow up and experience life, he was never going to allow himself to give in to the animal inside - it would destroy him.  
  
He had somehow made it through Alkali Lake. That woman, the one who was just like him, her face still haunted him. He had finally found someone who was just like him and he had killed her. Logan still felt incredibly bitter about that. Maybe he had known her before the experiments. Maybe she had volunteered just like him. She was just Strykers pawn and when he had pumped her with the adamantium he had looked at her and realized Strykers control had faded and he felt sorry. He had wanted to apologize as he realized she didn't understand, he thought he had seen a flash of recognition in her eyes before she sank to the bottom of the tank and that ate away at him all the time. Wondering constantly if she had known him in those last seconds. He had gone after Stryker, run his claws through his stomach as he told Logan about the animal he was, how he had volunteered for the Weapon X program and Logan had had to decide in that moment - to help his friends or find out about himself, his past by helping Stryker. Logan had chosen then, chosen his friends as he realized he needed the X- Men, that he owed them more than he did finding out about himself so he had chained Stryker and left him and found them. Jean leaning on Cyke, her decision made and Logan had minded but he realized she was right; she needed Cyke more than she needed him.  
  
They had stumbled outside, the facility straining with pressure around them only to realize there was nothing they could do - the X-Jet was too far away. He hadn't been able to believe it when Marie flew it to them, still glued to the controls and trembling when they came aboard, Ororo had to pry her hands from the control stick and then the thruster engines had failed and Jean had made her decision. He had known something was wrong, she had shot him a look that was full of subtext and hidden meaning and then he had realized she was outside the jet, using her powers to lift them to safety and he hadn't wanted to watch but was unable to tear his eyes away. He'd felt helpless standing there, knowing there was nothing he could do to help, that she was preventing them from helping her. He had pounded his fists off the jet but it didn't do any good and then they were in the air and the water had crashed around her. Logan closed his eyes, willing the mental picture to erase itself from his mind. His sense of loss had been unreal, he really didn't know what to do so he had clutched Scott and told him the one thing no one else could: that she was gone.  
  
Thinking about Alkali Lake, thinking about Jean made Logan want to break down and cry, while the Wolverine wanted to howl for the injustice of everything that had happened. Logan knew he had really cared about Jean, had loved her and desired her but looking at Cykes' devastation compared to his own brought his feelings into sharp focus. Logan was sad and angry but he wasn't devastated like Scott, he hadn't lost his whole world like Scott had. Logan realized that the desperation he had felt as the water engulfed Jean was nothing compared to what he had felt when Marie had been sucked out of the Blackbird and he had thought for those few seconds that he had lost her forever. Everything that had happened - Jean, Stryker, what he had found out at Alkali Lake, the woman he had killed and his realization about his feeling for Marie - came crashing down on top of him and he collapsed to the ground, his head in his hands. Logan gulped in breaths of fresh air, willing himself to calm down. He didn't want to feel this, the pain, the anguish. Damnit, he didn't want to feel like this about Marie - she was pure and innocent and everything that was good, the opposite of everything he was and the opposite of the type he usually was attracted to. He didn't want to love her, he couldn't deal with this confusion. He didn't want to hurt her like he knew he would. His head shot up as he heard someone approaching, his senses immediately on alert, wary of any intruder. He was about to leap up with it hit him, her scent - it was Marie. 


End file.
